From the Dept. of Weird Stuff I've Done

OK, hold on to your hats, fair readers -- this tale is going to confirm me as a total FREAK.

T'was about 11:30 last night when the cell rang. T'was Jason, wondering if I wanted to do a 7-11 run. When have I ever passed on the chance to do that?

As I made my way 'cross Mass. Ave. at the corner of 13th Street, as I approached the curb a car wanting to make a right turn on red without stopping came to a screeching halt about 1 foot from my kneecaps. I stood there, looked at the car, looked down and pointed at the crosswalk that I was in, threw up my hands and went, "whaaaa???!!!???"

My almost-assassins were nonplussed. So I glanced back at the traffic light, which now had changed to green. Mind you, I was still standing in the street, my kneecaps facing off with this car's bumper. I demonstrated to the driver and her hapless passenger that maybe I wasn't going to move. I think their reaction was "what the fuck?!!" I could be wrong; maybe they said "funk".

Anyway, it being about 11:35 p.m. and me being too tired to think clearly enough to either decide to get mad & try to escalate this situation, or decide that I'd made my point and just walk away, I opted for the proverbial third way. I stepped up on the curb, turned my back to the car, and

pulled down my shorts and full-mooned the driver and her sidekick!

I looked back to see their reaction. I'm not sure they were shocked, or offended, or just grossed out (huh? I have a cute butt, right?) but they made their intended right turn, and that was pretty much the end of that.

Except that I was so surprised at myself I didn't quite know what to do. I was half-satisfied with myself, and half-freaked-out. I laughed nervously to myself, and then I decided that this was one of the coolest and most innovative things I've done in a while, which made me laugh out loud.

Stay tuned, folks, who knows what I'll do next??!!!!

Beauty... and a simpler time

Merely a year and a week ago I was enjoying a few days at the shore with my Dad. It was about 3 days of simple pleasures: mini-golf, soft-serve ice cream, walking the boardwalk, splashing in the surf, and relaxing on the sand. Lest I forget: pinball, skee-ball, shopping for souvenirs, and Thrasher's boardwalk fries. The scorching summer heat had departed, but the weather was still ideal for being where we were.

Despite my concerted efforts, I never did get to the shore this year. Even had an offer from Dad to go again, but I was really wanting to go with peeps my own age, or thereabouts. We probably would've been there this weekend. But instead I find myself preparing my apartment and my affairs to spend who knows how many of the upcoming days and weeks by my parents' side as my Dad goes through another surgery for the rare cancer that we hoped and thought for the last 3 years would not come back.

With that in mind, I'd like to revisit the simple things and the beauty I managed to capture during those short few seaside days. Let's start with the beauty first. I hope these shots manage to inspire you, too, to a renewed appreciation of this sort of beauty. I keep getting wakeup calls not to take these sights and such time for granted.

(All photos taken in Ocean City, Maryland, on September 10, 2004.)

If you've ever been to OCMD, you've probably seen these Christian-themed sand sculptures that are done & re-done probably every day. They are almost always inspiring, but I never saw them quite the way the light and the dusk sky happened to combine around them that evening.

The sun disappears for the night above the inlet. Spectacular.

From the Dept. of Weird Stuff that Happens to Me

Yeah, this oughta be shared.

Last week sometime, around 8:30 p.m., I was on my way home from the 7-11 on 14th St. where I went on a Big Gulp run. Anyway, I was about 2 blocks from home, coming down the sidewalk alongside a nice new condo building, when I spot some dude taking a leak about 100 feet ahead.

- Not in the alley (seen that).

- Not against the building (seen that).

On the sidewalk. On a little dinky tree alongside the curb. Facing towards me.

Awwwwwww, I don't wanna see that! So I stopped dead in my tracks for a second, trying to decide how to evade this. And THEN, with his pants still open and his equipment still exposed, and with the piss still streaming out, he starts walking towards me!!!

Oh, no. NO FREAKING WAY. I immediately claimed the street as my escape route and hustled on past without even acknowledging. ('cept I think I was sort of yelling "Dios mio" as I passed by. Is that stereotyping? I think the dude was Latino...)

There were other people around but for whatever reason it seemed like they didn't notice any of this stuff. And you think I'm a space cadet...

Everyone Poops (even a dumbass f***up)

"Dear Condie,
May I be excused to go to the bathroom? I get all nervous when I have to speak in front of the UN."

GWBush, 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.

"Mr. President, I told you to go before we left! No soft pretzel for you on our way back to Air Force One!"

(I know I'm a few days behind the curve on this, but I can't resist. It's been sort of a rough week.)

The Horror in NO

This is one of the most horrible -- and heartbreaking -- things I've read in a long time:
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A first-hand account of what actually happened to one stranded New Orleans victim of Katrina:

Denise said she thought she was in hell. they were there for 2 days, with no water, no food. no shelter. Denise, her mother (63 years old), her niece (21 years old), and 2-year-old grandniece. when they arrived, there were already thousands of people there. they were told that buses were coming. police drove by, windows rolled up, thumbs up signs. national guard trucks rolled by, completely empty, soldiers with guns cocked and aimed at them. nobody stopped to drop off water. a helicopter dropped a load of water, but all the bottles exploded on impact due to the height of the helicopter.

the first day (Wednesday) 4 people died next to her. the second day (Thursday) 6 people died next to her. Denise told me the people around her all thought they had been sent there to die. again, nobody stopped. the only buses that came were full; they dropped off more and more people, but nobody was being picked up and taken away. they found out that those being dropped off had been rescued from rooftops and attics; they got off the buses delirious from lack of water and food. completely
dehydrated. the crowd tried to keep them all in one area; Denise said the new arrivals had mostly lost their minds. they had gone crazy.

inside the convention center, the place was one huge bathroom. in order to shit, you had to stand in other people's shit. the floors were black and slick with shit. most people stayed outside because the smell was so bad. but outside wasn't much better: between the heat, the humidity, the lack of water, the old and very young dying from dehydration... and there was no place to lay down, not even room on the sidewalk. they slept outside Wednesday night, under an overpass.

Denise said yes, there were young men with guns there. but they organized the crowd. they went to Canal Street and "looted," and brought back food and water for the old people and the babies, because nobody had eaten in days. when the police rolled down windows and yelled out "the buses are coming," the young men with guns organized the crowd in order: old people in front, women and children next, men in the back. just so that when the buses came, there would be priorities of who got out first.

Denise said the fights she saw between the young men with guns were fist fights. she saw them put their guns down and fight rather than shoot up the crowd. but she said that there were a handful of people shot in the convention center; their bodies were left inside, along with other dead babies and old people.

Denise said the people thought there were being sent there to die. lots of people being dropped off, nobody being picked up. cops passing by, speeding off. national guard rolling by with guns aimed at them. and yes, a few men shot at the police, because at a certain point all the people thought the cops were coming to hurt them, to kill them all. she saw a young man who had stolen a car speed past, cops in pursuit; he crashed the car, got out and ran, and the cops shot him in the back. in front of the whole crowd. she saw many groups of people decide that they were going to walk across the bridge to the west bank, and those same groups would return, saying that they were met at the top of the bridge by armed police ordering them to turn around, that they weren't allowed to leave.

They thought they were being sent there to die.
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Hat tip: Andrew Sullivan.

Quiz: What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?

You scored as Anarchism. Anarchism 67% Democrat 67% Green 50% Socialist 42% Communism 25% Republican 25% Nazi 8% Fascism 8% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

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Anarchism? When I think of my "orientation" I tend to come up with "lawful evil" rather than "chaotic evil" (as if I were a D&D character, ya know). I think it was the last question forcing me to choose between

• Do you like the thought of total freedom?
• Are you more liberal than most?

that pushed me over the edge to anarchism. (That was news to me, but hey, that's one cool thing about these dumb online quizzes.)

(N.B. for all of those out there who fear me falling into the Log Cabin Republicans camp. Ain't gonna happen.)