Epilogue: Now it's over.

I'm afraid if I don't post something about this, a few of you who are watching what happens will think that it didn't go well. Actually, it went as well as I realistically could have hoped.

What went well was my "goodbye Gabriel" visit to the bar last night. It's good I didn't wait another week, because he's leaving town on Wednesday to start a new life as a student (again) in California. At a very prestigious school for transportation design (I think that's what it's called).

The Cliff's Notes version is that I had a few drinks (including one that maybe for sentimental reasons was "on him"), got to chat with him not nearly enough, and when the time came to say goodbye I pulled him off to the side, and we had a genuinely tender moment where I told him how special he was (yada, yada) and we exchanged hugs & cheek-kisses goodbye.

After I left, I broke down several times -- first in the supermarket (how embarassing! what drama!), and later again, and again, at home -- when the emotional gravitas of what I'd done and been feeling finally caught up with me. But today I'm a lot better. Still kind of blue, because things never turned out the way I truly wanted, and because I am really going to miss him, but I'm actually OK because I made the best of what was, and left him with the impression I wanted to leave him with, regardless of everything else. For that I'm very thankful.

So that's that. I may never see him again, not in this life, anyway. You never know. But I do know that I'll never forget him.