G-DAY... or not.

Wow. I just went through one of the most nervewracking days of my life. My end goal was to plant myself at the bar of Cobalt right in front of my beloved (or soon to be beloved) Gabriel and hopefully get to the point where I expressed my wish to get to know him outside the bar. I had a very basic script worked out that wasn't stalkerish, but that would sweetly build on what went down last Friday.

I went to the gym every freaking night after work this week. I got duded up as much as I knew how to without turning myself into a clone. (I was rather pleased with my appearance, for once. It's amazing what lingering endorphins will do for one's self-esteem.)

I headed out for Cobalt about 9:55 to take advantage of the small crowd and lower noise level around their 10 p.m. opening. Finally! I was ready and there was no stopping me now! I paid the cover and hiked it up the stairs. I walked in and surveyed the staff behind the bar. Wait -- someone's missing.

No Gabriel.

{sigh} So I hung around, had two drinks, scoped out the place... actually I was wondering what the deal was with Gabriel so when I got the second drink I asked bartender "isn't Gabriel working tonight?" Mr. Helpful's response: "No, he's not." I gave him that sort of disapproving smirk with a head tilt, and so he added "he worked the happy hour tonight, though."

Happy hour??!!? Nobody told me about the happy hour.

Time for a new strategy, I guess. One that won't necessarily cost me a $5 cover each time I happen to miss him.

On the plus side, I think that's the first time I've ever gone to a bar by myself where I wasn't meeting friends there, and hung around by myself for a while. I don't know why that should be so difficult, especially at my age, but for whatever reason I'm still like a self-conscious newbie. It wasn't that bad, I guess. But I'd still rather be there with friends, even if I was looking to meet somebody. Tonight I wasn't. I've already met him.

So now what?

Back for happy hour, I guess!

Now I'm more determined than ever.

p.s. Mad props to all my peeps who encouraged me this week to "go for it!" I wasn't sure I would be able to do this, but I didn't want to let yunz down. And I would've felt terrible if I hadn't gone through with it. So it ought to be easier next time. Cool.

as seen in "bitch session" (#2)

(After a long period of witlessness, there's actually 3 worthwhile entries this week. Vote for your favorite!)

"A few years ago, a friend said he had 'become ex-gay.' I laughed and went over to his place to see the redecorating efforts of his 'ex-gay friends.' Too bad the 'ex-gay ministries' don't teach their members how not to decorate like a bunch of prissy fags!"

"I am so sick and tired of being ignored because I’m thin, a warm caring guy, and 'too pretty.' It’s my metabolism, not a disease and I don’t want to be a woman. It’s ridiculous that gay men won’t even look at you unless you just fell off the construction truck with a wife-beater shirt on and a beer in tow."
Bitch Boy responds: Trust me, being pretty is not your main problem.

"Here’s the deal: I won’t go on daytime talk shows to make a public spectacle of my sexual orientation. You won’t amend the federal or state constitution to make a public spectacle of my sexual orientation."

(WashBlade, 5/20/05)

Gabriel. His name is Gabriel!

After 2+ months of knowing this magical mystery person only through two photographs, I finally achieved that breakthrough tonight. I saw him in the flesh.

And I spoke to him. Several times. And most importantly, I know his name. (He theoretically knows mine, but I don't expect him to remember it. Just yet, anyway.)

It's Gabriel.

What a gorgeous name for a gorgeous man.

And as I predicted, I get the feeling that he may be someone of substance and not just a skin-deep pretty PC pin-up.

I made plans today to go to Cobalt. Maybe it's all the gym time I've logged this week -- about 3 hours or so -- that gave me that little burst of confidence to go in the hopes that he'd be working. Thanks to Frankie and Gene (hi guys!!) I would not be going alone. (Thanks a lot, Jason... that's OK, you've had a busy week. Next time, no excuses for ditching me, though!)

Gabriel (oh, will I ever get tired of saying that name?) is not merely a shotboy. In fact, he may not really have been a shotboy at all. He's a full-fledged bartender. The funny thing is, I noticed him the second I walked in, but it took about 20 minutes of off-and-on staring until I was actually sure that it was he of MetroWeekly "Scene" fame. (Just between yunz and me, my first impression, once I realized it was he, was that he wasn't actually as super-perfect as I'd imagined him to be from the pictures. But as I would eventually discover, the real Gabriel more than made up for any discrepancy in the physical picture. (Not that I am complaining at all about his bodily... whatever. He is really beautiful.)

Our interaction was limited -- bartender-patron relationship considered, I would actually say we interacted quite a bit -- to the three instances where I bought a drink from him. On the first try I ordered the rum & Coke (not one of my preferred drinks, but also not my hackneyed Citron & tonic standard order) and asked him if he were actually the one in the MW photos of a few months ago (which he confirmed). After complimenting him on the picture & on himself, I got his name and he got mine. It was right about then he'd captured my heart nearly completely. We shook hands and I didn't even remember that it happened until Gene and Frankie (who were watching the scene from a safe, non-interfering yet concerned, distance) confirmed it.

In a couple other interactions, I think I communicated my affection for him without coming on too strong, and certainly without any cliché patron-bartender speak. At least I hope not. I know he's paid to be friendly and all that, but somehow I did get the sense that he liked me, especially when I quizzed him on his favorite drink (something with vodka, he says, as if I needed something else to believe that he's the one for me!) and he asked me back the same question, and then I said he should make me his favorite drink. Then I was so ferklempt that I forgot to tip him, so I ran back from Frankie & Gene's little station and proclaimed to Gabriel, "I'm so bad -- I forgot to tip you!" (You know, I think I actually did tip him when I paid for the drink, but what the heck, it was kind of cute. At least I hope it was.)

I know it's silly to think about making a bartender, for whom I've fallen, somehow fall for me, but right now that's the best I've got. And in a way, it's pretty darn good. He seems genuinely sweet, he is a spectacular vision, and we seem to have a bit of chemistry (I hope real, not imagined. Something about this seemed real, or darn close.). And he's a smidge taller than me, not too much, maybe about an inch. Perfection.

So from now on, he will nevermore be referred to as "shotboy", "Jell-o-boy", or anything so dehumanizing. He is, henceforth, and will always be,

Gabriel.

Maybe I'll have a good dream tonight. A Gabriel dream. That would be really nice.

Still "Lost"

I must say that I was incredibly moved by the goodbye scene on tonight's episode of Lost between Sun and her estranged husband, Jin (the Korean characters). I guess it's because I was imagining myself in sort of that situation. In fact, I feel that it's something that may yet come to pass. I don't know. I guess I'm still "lost" because of it (that situation, not the show).

And today was the second anniversary of what for me was a very black day. I didn't do anything special to remember, or rather try to forget, it. But it was on my mind nonetheless.

Which is not to say today was a black day in and of itself. All in all, it was pretty OK. (Although I enjoyed last night's dinner a heckuvalot more than tonight's. )

Happy Paper Anniversary!

Today's the 1st anniversary of a remarkable thing -- the Commonwealth of Massachusetts granting marriage rights to same-sex couples. So to all the old married folks celebrating today and over the next few months, I say mnohaja lita - many years!

Andrew Sullivan, longtime champion of the institution of marriage for gay couples, posted the following today:

A MOMENT TO CELEBRATE: Today is the first anniversary of the full civil liberation of gay citizens in one state in the United States. I'm celebrating. I do not believe for a second that we are going to lose this battle, because I deeply believe in the truth and justice of the cause of equality, and I believe that, in America, that cause always wins in the end. Setbacks are inevitable. But the progress we have made is astonishing by any historical standard:

Above all, we have changed consciousness. In civil rights movements, that's what matters and that's what endures. People forget that two decades ago, homosexuality meant simply sex for most Americans - and unsavory sex at that. Or it meant counter-cultural revolution. Or left-wing victim politics. By fighting the marriage fight, we changed the terms of that debate. We co-opted the language of our enemies - the language of family, love, responsibility, commitment. We did this not simply because it helps us win over the middle of American politics. But because it's actually reflective of the reality of many of our lives ... The next generation will grow up - gay and straight - fully aware of the existence of marriage as an option for gay couples, even if that option is in another state or another country. That will deeply and subtly change social expectations for gay men and women; it will alter sex and dating; it will counter some of the homophobia and low self-esteem that strangles some gay youth. It will tell the next generation of homosexuals: you have a future. That future is one of love and commitment and social integration. It is not assured. But it is conceivable.

Time to thank all those people - gay and especially straight - who have had the courage to support us, and to see that, in America, equality, fairness and human dignity is everyone's business.

Erased!

I was so looking forward to the Erasure concert last Monday night. My pal Jim came all the way from NEPA (where he works, not where he's from, he'd kill me if I didn't point out) for the concert and about 5 minutes before we were to head out I checked my e-mail to see that the show had been postponed!

Not to worry, we had a super-good dinner at another nice newish neighborhood place, Rice, and enjoyed a relaxing evening. But what a bummer - I looked really cute that night too. So what happened?

Unfortunately for fans in D.C., gay band ERASURE had to cancel its two sold out shows at D.C.’s 9:30 Club on May 2-3 because lead singer ANDY BELL came down with the flu.

They've rescheduled for June 6-7, which is fine. Lucky for me I'm still in the country, and lucky for Jim he can make it back down here too. Get well soon, Andy!

I'm leavin', on a jet plane

Got my plane tickets yesterday for my trip next month to the old country, staryj kraj, Karpatska Rus'... I'll be gone the second half of June. Exciting! Right?

So why do I feel apprehensive about it? I dunno. It's gonna be pretty much the same itinerary I had last year, except that I'll also be 3 days in Krynica, Poland at the World Congress of Rusyns and then a day or two in Bratislava visiting friends. But something still makes me a little less-than thrilled. Maybe it's that I'll be spending the next month preparing for the trip, and then by the time I get back it will just about be July and summer will be 1/3 over at that point.

I imagine I will have the best time once I'm there, just like last year. (Hey, maybe I'll even blog from over there.) If you want to read about a film that my friend I'll be staying with was in, check this out.